How do you get it all done?

Chapter 2 of Dear Struggling Homeschool Mom, I See You!

How Do You Get It All Done?

Ah, yes. That is the question.

I think it gets asked more by homeschool moms than Shakespeare’s “To be or not to be?” Ever feel like it’s your daily mantra?

How do we get it all done when the list looks something like this:

1. Educate our children
   
   

2. Feed them (constantly!)
   
   

3. Take care of babies and toddlers
   
   

4. Clean the house
   
   

5. Referee arguments
   
   

6. Read aloud
   
   

7. Buy groceries
   
   

8. Do laundry
   
   

9. Support our husbands
   
   

10. Stay friendly (even when we’re exhausted)
    
    

11. Pray and spend time with God
    
    

12. Care for ourselves (wait, that’s still on the list?)
    
    

Cooking tip: Slow cookers and instant pots are your friends. Keep meals simple. Make a list of meals for the week and a grocery list at the same time. Make a weekly plan and shop once if you can. I never became a once-a-month freezer meal queen, but if that’s your thing—go for it!

Reading aloud? Try doing it while the littles eat or nap, or while you’re nursing. It’s a soothing anchor point for everyone. Bonus: it quiets the chaos. It’s a great thing to do instead of letting them watch TV or play a video game. You can read to them at bedtime. Reading aloud was also a part of our school time. I chose books that went with the topic we were studying and read them aloud to the kids at the appropriate age level. Sometimes I had two books going at a time for the different age groups.

Homeschool tip: Make sure you are not requiring too much busywork from your kids. Think hard about what they really need to learn to become successful in life. Choose curriculum that promotes independence. Don’t make them do every subject every day. Realize that it’s impossible to learn and memorize EVERYTHING and totally unnecessary. Determine what is absolutely necessary for their future wellbeing and get books, resources, documentaries, classes, and materials that will teach them those things. Make school time fun so that they develop a love of learning. Use loop scheduling, mix age groups when possible, and remember: a love of learning matters more than finishing the workbook.

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2. Relax Your Expectations

This doesn’t mean you’re letting everything go. It means you’re giving your soul a chance to breathe.

High standards are beautiful—but perfectionism is exhausting. And when we’re trying to live up to some imaginary “ideal mom” (thanks, Pinterest), we end up discouraged and disconnected from the people right in front of us. I never want to be a drill sergeant mom. I don’t think any of us do. But the temptation to start yelling and getting impatient with our family is always there when we see all that needs to be done and everyone sitting around doing nothing. Am I right? What kind of effect does that have on our relationships with the rest of the family? Not good, right? And I think relationships matter way more than a clean house or getting projects accomplished.

You set the tone in your home. If you’re running on empty and frustrated, that’s the atmosphere everyone feels. But if you let go of some expectations (not all!), your home becomes gentler, more joyful, and—let’s be honest—a lot more livable.

Ask yourself: What really matters?
A spotless kitchen, or a peaceful dinner?
Every assignment checked, or a child who feels loved and supported?

Standards and expectations are under our control. Nobody else can set your standards and expectations. It’s up to you to decide what is acceptable, what is possible, and what is best for everyone in your family. You should not try to keep up with the Joneses or Better Homes and Gardens or Martha Stewart or Marie Kondo or even Flylady! You can get ideas from them, but you should tailor your plans and goals to what suits you and your family. Think about your minimum goals for how clean the house must be, how much the kids can help, what tasks are your responsibility to accomplish each day and what tasks are your husband’s responsibility. Have a family meeting to make your plans together. Make a list of everything that needs to be done daily, weekly, or monthly - inside the house and outside the house. Then figure out ways to get the homeschooling done in the most efficient but effective way. Set reasonable goals for the amount of time each child should spend on their school work each day. Have the older kids help the younger kids with their work and read to them. Don’t expect your kids to work the same amount of time that kids in public schools have to. And please don’t expect them to do every page of every book in your curriculum. Once they have mastered a concept, let them move on to the next concept instead of repeating and repeating something they have already learned.

You’re allowed to reset the bar. In fact, it’s wise.

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3. Make Expectations Clear to Your Kids

Don’t leave them guessing. Kids thrive when they know what’s expected and they feel part of the team.

Use chore charts, visual schedules, or simple checklists. Teach them how to do their jobs well. Celebrate their contributions. Use rewards that matter to them: sticker charts, extra stories, BOOKS!, screen time, or special outings. It’s not bribery—it’s motivation.

Make the reward anything that makes them feel special or honored for their work and their attitude.

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4. Enlist the Help of Your Children

You’re not supposed to carry everything alone. And your kids? They’re capable of more than you think.

I used to believe childhood should be carefree and chore-free. I didn’t grow up with chores, so I didn’t really know where to start. I tried to do it all, and I burned out.

I am a random thinker. I don’t know if you are like me, but if you are, planning and organizing is difficult for you. I have a hard time thinking ahead and parceling out tasks for different people to do. I have a hard enough time figuring out what I need to do. I don’t know if anybody else has this problem, but it sure makes this homemaking and homeschooling proposition even more of a struggle. I actually came to the realization that I’m not suited for this calling that I had chosen and that God had put on my heart to do. The things I have to do as a homemaker are the things I am least gifted in and have the least interest in. I do not like to cook or clean or arrange things or organize or plan or tell others what to do. I started to wonder why God called me to this. I started to feel like I wasn’t good at anything. I tell you that’s hard on a girl’s self-image and self-confidence.

Then a friend gave me a little tough love. She said, “You have so many kids—you shouldn’t be doing most of the work yourself.”

That blew my mind. I was thinking that the more kids I had, the more work I had to do. She asked the ages of my kids, and I told her. I thought she would change her mind about them being able to do much. But, on the contrary, she said they were the perfect age to do a lot of the housework. She started giving me examples of what even the younger ones could do to help. That one conversation changed my life! Ever since then I’ve had no qualms about asking my kids to do things that need to be done. I don’t play the Mommy Martyr anymore. I now know that it doesn’t hurt them to work, to have chores and responsibilities. It is actually good for them. It helps them to feel better about themselves when they accomplish important things. They feel like they are an important part of the family. They feel capable and useful. They get a chance to try new things and figure out how to do things. They learn life skills. And I don’t feel all the pressure and stress that I used to feel. I don’t overreact as much when someone spills something or breaks something. It’s not all going to fall on me to clean up or fix or whatever is called for. The weight of the home and everything in it is not on my shoulders anymore. Get your kids to help you. It’s a win-win proposition.

Giving your kids responsibility isn’t a burden to them—it’s a gift. It builds their confidence and teaches them life skills. And it relieves you from doing the heavy lifting alone. You become less reactive, more present. The whole house breathes easier.

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5. Let Your Husband, Family, and Friends Help Too

You don’t have to be Supermom. And you don’t have to prove anything by doing it alone.

My husband and I sat down and made a list of all the household tasks, then divided them up. As the kids and responsibilities grew, so did his involvement. He does the grocery shopping now and helps with cooking. He also helps supervise chores.

I used to have a hard time asking for help - from anyone, really. I had a pride issue, and I felt like I should be able to handle everything myself. I think many of us have trouble asking for help, whatever the reason is. But we need to think differently about this. For our own mental and physical health, and for the sake of our family, we need to ask for and accept help from others. We all have some limitations, and that’s okay. None of us is good at everything. It’s ridiculous for us to think that we should be. We should never feel bad about letting our needs be known when it comes to taking care of our family. Mommy’s Helpers are nice to have. You can ask a friend if their teenage daughter would be able to come and help with some of the chores that never seem to get done or to help with the little ones.

Asking for help used to feel like failure. Now I see it as strength.

If a friend offers to help, say yes. If you know another mama who’s overwhelmed, offer a trade: clean together, cook together, co-op a few subjects. Even a little bit of shared work can lighten the load—and lift your spirit.

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6. Keep God at the Center of It All

You don’t need a perfectly quiet hour before the sun comes up. You just need to turn your heart toward Him—over and over again throughout the day.

Let Him meet you in the chaos. Let Him guide your decisions, renew your mind, and restore your peace. He knows your limits. He loves your kids even more than you do. And He will give you what you need to do what He’s called you to.

Don’t forget to breathe. Don’t forget to rest.
You’re not falling behind—you’re walking forward with the Shepherd who carries you when you’re weary.

It’s extremely important to keep a strong relationship with the Lord all through your kids’ growing up years. You need His help! And He will be able to help you if you talk to Him, listen to Him, and spend time in His word. Throughout the day, pray for wisdom and help with situations that arise among your children. Turn your heart to prayer often. Don’t forget God! As you plan your homeschool curriculum and schedule, pray for direction. You must keep God in the center of all you do. If you want to be successful in your mothering, your homeschooling, and your relationships, you need to go to the Source. And He will help you get everything done that really needs to be done. He will give you wisdom, strength, inspiration, and the positive attitude and peace that only He can give.

Let’s walk this together, friend.

You don’t have to get it all done.
You just need to do what matters most—with love, with grace, and with Him.

Chapter 2 of Dear Strugging Homeschool Mom, I See You!

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